How strange it feels to call a woman a ‘woman’
After nearly a year of reading progressive blogs, I am finally starting to speak of myself as a woman. Not a lady: that implies that I need to act in a certain way. Or it implies that I am someone’s possession. And no, I am not a female. Use female when you’re either talking about lower animals or when you’re involved in a scientific environment.
I am a woman. And I am trying to call other women that, too. But after years of being involved in the patriarchy, it’s difficult. It might be that I hadn’t been doing this for that long. It might also be that the word ‘woman’ sounds far more serious than ‘girl’ or ‘lady’. Or it might just be that every new habit takes a bit of time to ingrain itself into our conscious.
I do still tend to correct people – those who call a woman a girl – to say ‘lady’ instead. ‘Lady’ has a more ‘pleasant’ sound; it is not as ‘fierce’ and ‘threatening’ as ‘woman’.
But why am I doing this? Surely there are more important things to worry about? You know the drill: FMG, blatant sexism, children starving in Somalia…
It matters because using the word ‘girl’ to refer to an adult patronises and trivializes her. The usage of ‘girl’ infantalises women, ie, we never think of them as competent adults who could run for office or demand change in the work place. Such a woman will forever think of herself as less than the men around her. And the men, too, will see her as a play thing, an amusement; they have no reason to take her seriously. Which means they might not vote for her should she decide to run for office. They’ll call her other names, too. And they might even create a group on Facebook called ‘Hillary Clinton: Stop running for president and make me a sandwich.’ Or they’ll just call her a ‘racist little girl‘.
Why is it that so many women in my generation – 25- to 35-year-olds – have a problem with the word ‘woman’? Does it sound like something you’d call your mother or grandmother? And do you also call men ‘boys’ instead of ‘men’? Jezebel asks a great question in their article: When does a girl become a woman? Could it be that women, on average, are getting married at a later age than they had before? Do we equate believe that ‘woman’ should be paired with ‘married’?
And what about the menz? Why do they insist on calling us ‘girls’, as though we’re all still 14-year-old with crushes on that cute guy from Science class? Perhaps for the same reason that I mentioned above — ‘girl’ doesn’t sound threatening. By calling someone a girl, you’re reducing her worth and putting her several levels below your own.
We need a female version for ‘guys’. Guys is an awesome word that can apply to all penised creatures. ‘Gals’ just sounds horrible, but that’s just me. There are many women who don’t mind calling themselves and others ‘gals’. Ooo, and let’s not forget about Grrrl.
I’m in good company with Second Wave feminists, it seems — they, too, eschewed calling other women ‘girl’. Third Wave feminists, however, seem to be reclaiming the word. And others, too: ‘bitch’ and ‘cunt’. But I am not a Third Wave feminist; I am just a feminist. And identifying as a Third Waver does not mean that one should accept all the ‘tenets’.
Feel free to call me a girl; just make sure that you use the corresponding label for men – boys.
I will, of course, continue to call women just that – women. The more often I do it, the easier it will become. And hopefully I will have a few converts along the way.
Aluta continua
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“lower animals ”
Other animals?
B. Adu
13 Oct 09 at 1:09 pm
No, I specifically meant lower animals. We rarely think of ourselves as animals: we won’t call ourselves ‘it’, for example, but we’ll call animals ‘it’ without thinking twice. And I got this off the Grammar Girl website where she discusses when and how we should use ‘female’.
Joy-Mari Cloete
13 Oct 09 at 1:38 pm
Thanks, I really enjoyed this. I’ve never thought of the word in this way. I’ve always been especially bothered when some stranger says to me ‘Hello Girl’. Now I know why. On the note of ‘it’ – like animals, we quite often refer to human infants as ‘it’. I suppose it could be a little demeaning to both animals & humans as it almost reduces them to inanimate objects. Perhaps we use the word ‘it’ when we cannot distinguish the exact sex of the creature (human infants or non-human animals).
Jo
14 Oct 09 at 9:26 am
Hey, Jo.
Yes, absolutely. ‘It’ dehumanises us and you’re right — we do often refer to babies as ‘it’. Not pleasant. Sociologists call that sensation of not knowing why something bothers us cognitive dissonance. Words have power, eh?
Joy-Mari Cloete
14 Oct 09 at 10:13 am
Sorry, but “lower animals” is bullshit. It doesn’t matter how “we” might refer to other animals as “it” or not: that says a lot more about “our” ignorance than it does about the animals in question.
Also, just because “we” don’t think of ourselves as animals, that does not mean that we are not.
Crys T
19 Oct 09 at 7:58 pm
Chrys T, OK, but what do you think about the post?
Joy-Mari Cloete
19 Oct 09 at 8:28 pm
I’ve been having the same trouble. I’ve been using “chick” as a female equivalent to “guy”, but it still doesn’t feel right, because of its sexist roots.
I keep still accidentally calling myself a girl, especially when I talk about typically “girly” things, like shoes or clothes. But still… I’m trying…
pattilain
23 Oct 09 at 1:05 pm
I know! We live in a patriarchal society and we’ve been so brainwashed from an early age. So it’s going to take you a while before you get it out of your system. But I don’t see any problem with you calling yourself a ‘girly girl’ in a safe space. Compare it to high heels and bikinis, which really exist so that we can titillate men. We wear them even though we might not agree with what they stand for; we make them our own and but we’re 100% aware of the history behind them. So it’s an informed choice, which is better than wearing high heels or bikinis mindlessly.
I, of course, refuse to wear bikinis
Joy-Mari Cloete
23 Oct 09 at 2:18 pm
I’m the same with high heels. I’m not going to sacrifice my comfort for the idea of “sexy”.
Calling myself a girl is often in the context of “Ooh! Mango moisturising body wash! Ugh, I’m such a girl.” Which is a pretty sexist way of thinking that I’m trying to get out of the habit of. I try to accept that I can be a girl sometimes.
That’s the great thing about being a feminist. I can be a girl AND a woman AND a lady AND a chick. And also, I can be manly or asexual whenever I feel like it.
pattilain
23 Oct 09 at 2:27 pm
I like how you think. It’s all about informed choice. And loving ourselves just the way we are but always trying to become better. Simpler, better, faster.
Oo, I love me heels but tend to wear them only on the very odd occasion. And I’m done with stilettos, thank you very much.
Joy-Mari Cloete
23 Oct 09 at 2:48 pm