Digital immigrant

I don’t have many discussions around race, sexuality, feminism and class IRL. And especially not intelligent ones. But every so often I’ll bribe one of my intelligent, articulate friends into buying me coffee or a whisky — I love JW Black — and then we discuss these things.

And sometimes we’ll talk about how women box themselves into an experience of life that differs to that which men experience. There are many things we consider manly: cigars, alcohol, beer, sailing, golf, fishing, rugby. These are all male experiences.

Just walk into a cigar shop. The sales assistant’s language suggests cigars are a male product only. How many women shoppers do you see in your local Harley Davidson branch? And have you as a women ever received decent customer service while buying soccer shoes?

So my friend told me his male friends’ partners only drink ciders; they do not drink beer or whisk(e)y. And my eyes widened. And then I rolled my eyes at these women.

But I don’t want to talk about them today; we can leave them for another day. Let’s talk about what things we as women do that delight us, but that confuse, confound and astound them. These do not have to be particular do-things; they can be behaviours or perhaps even thought processes.

Here’s my list:

I do not over-apologise. I’ll apologise if I bumped into you but not the other way around. And it’s frustrating that so many women feel obliged to apologise to me when they really don’t have to.

I do not qualify my statements. Have you noticed how women use in my opinion and I think? I just don’t do that. I can’t, actually.

I drink my whisky neat with just a dollop of water. My whisky aficionado friend wants me to add a cube of ice but I refuse; I hate watery drinks.

I’m a customer service crusader and I have been known to send an espresso back three times. That intimidates restaurant managers and staff members. I guess they think I’m a ballbusting woman. It also intimidates my dates…

I smoke cigars. And I’m starting to dislike men who tell me they find it sexy: that statement is sexist. Women do not smoke cigars for your pleasure, bru; women smoke cigars because it relaxes them.

I don’t do salads. That might be why I ignore family get-togethers. I just feel uncomfortable around a bunch of women who want me to pass the mayonnaise. And I think this is so ingrained into our various cultures that we do not know how to reject it. It gets even more problematic once you’re part of a couple. You’re expected to go talk women in the kitchen.

So. This is my list. Where’s yours? Do you have a list? Talk to me in the comments; I’d love to know what you think.

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