Digital immigrant

Dear Jaywalkers,

Stay out of the fucking road. And please stay as far away from my scooter as you can. It is not funny when I have to yell at you. I get upset and it ruins my morning. But crashing into you could kill us both.

All I want is a bit of respect. All I want is that you respect yourself and use a pedestrian crossing. Or at least look to the left, then to the right, and then to the left again before you cross a road. Especially when there are cars, cyclists, scooter drivers and people on fucking superbikes. Those superbikes are far worse than my little Vuka Scuta.

So yeah. Let’s be friends and stay the fuck away from me.

Yours sincerely,

Joy-Mari Cloete

Andre’s twitter status gave me a jolt early yesterday morning:

Gob-smacked at the lack of feminist reaction to the Women, Children and Disabled ministry. Where’re all the strong, vocal women that I know?

I replied that I have no idea what he’s referring to and asked for clarification, which he gave later during the day. So it seems that there are two new ministries: Economic development and Women, Youth, Children and People with Disability.Noluthando Mayende-Sibiya will head the latter department.

There is no outrage as yet. Few journalists have penned an opinion piece about this new ministry; I could only find one or two news articles. One major caveat, though: I only read online news. Andre wrote an entry about it on his Tumblr blog: OK, I’ll ask. And that’s all I can find on Google; the rest of the writing on the new ministry are press release fodder.

I concur with Andre: women do not need saving. We are not fragile creatures. And I’d wager that many people with disabilities feel the same — they also do not need saving. It feels as though the ANC is morphing into the NP with their God, Volk, Vaderland. Scary, no?

I’m concerned about the minister’s nursing qualifications and trade unionist background. Are such qualifications enough to be a Minister in our new parliament? I would’ve expected her to have a degree in Sociology, Gender Studies or some other related field.

It seems this ministry will only work towards equality for women, children and people with disabilities.

I do not like the ministry’s name nor do I like what it exemplifies. I’d prefer an inclusive name. Something that promotes equality for everyone, whether they are white men or black transgender people.

Yes, there does exist horrific sexism in South Africa. Yes, our youth need guidance. Yes, we could make life easier for people with disabilities. But many, many, many other groups are marginalised. And many, many, many individuals from differing groups need support. So how will such a patriarchal ministry help those people?

Some may now tell me that Denmark, Australia and New Zealand all have ministries that are similar to our newly created ministry. But that’s an appeal to popularity fallacy. Just because a few developed countries — and developing countries such as Kenya, Lesotho, Palestine and Afghanistan — have such ministries does not mean that we should follow their lead.

Is there anyone who thinks this ministry can be a benefit? I’d be grateful to hear learned opinions.

Update: Today’s The Times has an article and Colleen Lowe Morna’s audio clip response to the new ministry.

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To be part of the gang may mean you have to endure — or participate in — sexist, vulgar language. You’ll find this everywhere: at the office, at the mall, online and even at home. The users aren’t always heterosexual males;  women also use such language. People use this language to attack those people or ideas that they disagree with, and to attack those who scare them. I do not agree with such usage; in most cases it is used as a STFU tactic.

Why are women called bitches? Think about it. Successful women seem scary [to many]. Add self-confidence, good looks and self-reliance to that and you have the typical recipient of the Bitch label.

The problem is not that this language demeans women; the problem is that the user doesn’t realise this language use is offensive. Our culture has deemed it OK to call someone a douche bag but few know such things do exist and few know that there are women who use these devices. It’s become OK to use female and even male genitalia terms to describe unsavoury characters. How many times have you told someone to be a man and not be such a girl? What’s wrong with being a girl? And let’s not get into gender essentialism right now, please.

Do not tell me that you used the word faggot to mean a cigarette. What  is wrong with insanity that people think it’s OK to call whoever does not agree with them crazy, insane or deluded?

An even bigger problem exists when we bring attention to the vulgar words. I’d hate my colleagues, friends, family members and acquaintances to think I’m a kill-joy. It’s difficult to know what to do when people make racist jokes or remarks. Yes, I’ll concede that these jokes may be funny. Sometimes. But they can’t ever be moral. And laughing at such jokes betray a great deal about us. Who decides who should make fun of whom? Is it not true that those with power [ are allowed to ]poke fun at those with little or no power? And as soon as those with no power protest against this treatment, they are branded as having no sense of humour.

Give me intelligent jokes any day. Let’s stop the offensive jokes.

Someone who sprays deodorant near me.

Someone who bumps into me. And doesn’t apologise.

Someone uses hateful and ableist language. The p-word, the s-word, the c-word, all of ‘em.

People who block my exiting an elevator.

Someone who says “Myself and Carl“

People who use managerese.

Randoms who tell me to smile or ask me why I look angry. I won’t smile for you, arsehole.

Friends who cancel a meeting — at the last minute.

Someone who asks me whether I am crazy. I normally say “Yes, I am”.

Sms-speak in correspondence. Yes, even in sms messages.

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Much in life are worth the time that we spend getting used to them. Whisky is one of them. Some people claim they only liked salty liquorice after the third or fourth try; I, however, liked it instantly. But it took me a long time to appreciate whisky.

So I was thinking about movies recently, mostly because of a post that I had read about feminist movies. I don’t remember much of the movie Volver. I saw it at the beginning of last year. I only remember what I felt after I’d seen the movie.

I wondered whether such movies aren’t perhaps the type one gets used to … slowly. I didn’t hate the movie; I had a neutral feeling about it. It was different to the movies I am used to. Most of the movies I used to watch are those with male-centric plots. Boy meets girl, they fall in love but then something happens that drives them apart. Girl cries and devises a solution to win boy back. They get back together. The End.

Even when there is no real love plot, women are not the focus; men are.

Zoolander is one of my all-time favourite movies and it has a guy as the protagonist. I have only a few favourite movies that pass the Bechdel test. This test rates movies on 3 criteria:  It has to have at least two women in it; Who talk to each other;  About something besides a man.

So I wonder. Should I watch Volver again? Am I a bad feminist for not liking the movie much the first time around? Or should I just find other feminist movies to watch?

I grew up on a Disney diet of Snow White and The Three Musketeers. That’s what I and many others are used to. Yes, I enjoyed Monsters,  Inc but it fails the Bechdel test.

I’d love feminist movies — or movies that pass the Bechdel test — to become the norm but I realise it will take a long time. Most women are OK with watching chick-flicks and men are still pandered to; women are ignored. Well, most of the time — there are a few movies that get women right. And I do not have the statistics but strong, women-centric films are mostly from Old Hollywood, European, or ‘Indie’. Why? It’s because women are a niche market. And you have to search high and low to find women-centric movies; Mr Video stocks blockbusters, mostly.

87 Million women in America went to the movies in 2007; 85 million men in America went to the movies during the same period.  And more 60+ women than men of the same age have been going to the movies from 2003 to 2007.  The MPAA 2007 Movie Attendance Study records the 40- to 59-year-old age group as the most frequent movie going group. Surely this should mean that there is a lot of scope for women-centric movies.

And surely this means that girls growing up today will not have to get used to feminist movies; they will come to see such movies as the default.

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I was confounded when @PluginID had told me he’s a bit off social media. This was only a couple of months ago. I couldn’t understand why but now I do: it’s draining. Not always but very often it feels as though you have to read, digg, vote for and tweet as much as possible. And that, friends, is draining.

Last week I tweeted that I may delete my MyFace account. Only @the_dre was in favour of me doing it; @sessa, @laurakim123 and @shahil were all rallying behind my keeping the account.

I deleted the account a half an hour after I had asked the question on twitter.

And I feel lighter. That MyFace account has seen too many misunderstandings between me and 2 of the people whom I were dating at the time. Yes, I had caused the misunderstandings and fights by posting too many personal things on there but still.

So I think I’ll amend my social media mantra only slightly. I will lay off on Twitter, I no longer have a MyFace account, and I will blog more. I will still use Twitter, Friendfeed and whatever else is available but I will not use those channels excessively. Things have changed since I had made a slip of the tongue  — too much of a good thing is not enough — my mantra. No more excess for this lady. A bit of mystique would do me good.

Update: It’s been nearly two days of no Twitter for me. And it’s been awesome.

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I don’t have many discussions around race, sexuality, feminism and class IRL. And especially not intelligent ones. But every so often I’ll bribe one of my intelligent, articulate friends into buying me coffee or a whisky — I love JW Black — and then we discuss these things.

And sometimes we’ll talk about how women box themselves into an experience of life that differs to that which men experience. There are many things we consider manly: cigars, alcohol, beer, sailing, golf, fishing, rugby. These are all male experiences.

Just walk into a cigar shop. The sales assistant’s language suggests cigars are a male product only. How many women shoppers do you see in your local Harley Davidson branch? And have you as a women ever received decent customer service while buying soccer shoes?

So my friend told me his male friends’ partners only drink ciders; they do not drink beer or whisk(e)y. And my eyes widened. And then I rolled my eyes at these women.

But I don’t want to talk about them today; we can leave them for another day. Let’s talk about what things we as women do that delight us, but that confuse, confound and astound them. These do not have to be particular do-things; they can be behaviours or perhaps even thought processes.

Here’s my list:

I do not over-apologise. I’ll apologise if I bumped into you but not the other way around. And it’s frustrating that so many women feel obliged to apologise to me when they really don’t have to.

I do not qualify my statements. Have you noticed how women use in my opinion and I think? I just don’t do that. I can’t, actually.

I drink my whisky neat with just a dollop of water. My whisky aficionado friend wants me to add a cube of ice but I refuse; I hate watery drinks.

I’m a customer service crusader and I have been known to send an espresso back three times. That intimidates restaurant managers and staff members. I guess they think I’m a ballbusting woman. It also intimidates my dates…

I smoke cigars. And I’m starting to dislike men who tell me they find it sexy: that statement is sexist. Women do not smoke cigars for your pleasure, bru; women smoke cigars because it relaxes them.

I don’t do salads. That might be why I ignore family get-togethers. I just feel uncomfortable around a bunch of women who want me to pass the mayonnaise. And I think this is so ingrained into our various cultures that we do not know how to reject it. It gets even more problematic once you’re part of a couple. You’re expected to go talk women in the kitchen.

So. This is my list. Where’s yours? Do you have a list? Talk to me in the comments; I’d love to know what you think.

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I think I know a bit about the internet, Web 2.0 and everything that goes with it. I’ve only been reading blogs since 2006 but I have been compensating for it by blogging and commenting on others’ blogs. Please don’t subject me to a Web 2.0 test, though; I’ll fail it.

So I tried to tweet one of  The Sartorialist’s blog posts last week. And the week before last, too.  I just couldn’t understand why I was unable to.  I gave up trying to find the ‘permalink‘ and decided to google the title, which gave me the permalink to the blog post. I was relieved. And I felt a little clever, too: I struggled, or ’struggled’ with a problem until I found a solution that worked for me. Malcolm Gladwell would be proud of me. It wasn’t the solution I was aiming for but it satisfied me. And never mind that I discovered the solution accidentally.

But not knowing how to find the permalink on The Sartorialist, or on other such sites, bothered me. I wondered whether the site owner didn’t want people to link to specific blog posts. It’s Blogging Basics 101 to make things as easy as possible. It’s also part of netiquette to give users a direct URL to a specific post. So I wondered whether I am the st00pid one. ‘Tis possible, you know.

And then I had one of those near-Eureka moments: I got it. Well, I was probably just bored. Only boredom could’ve made me click on the time in the blog post.

posted by The Sartorialist at 8:58 AM 28 comments

See that? The 8:58 AM ? I clicked on that and it gave me the permalink to the blog post. WTF.

Am I the only n00b who didn’t know that certain — not all — Blogger-based blogs’ permalinks are only viewable when clicking on the time? Is this general knowledge?

Now it’s your turn. What internet-related thing did you only discover recently? Something you should’ve known but were to embarrassed to ask for help?

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